Explorerz's Xanga

Unease

Mon, 09 Mar 2009 07:19:39 GMT

Hmm..it sure has been awhile since i blogged...guess i'm just bored outta my mind...so..i'm back..though i should be reading my damn psyc article for class on wednesday..but i cant be bothered =/

since i got back..i've been feeling this uneasy feeling...i dont know how to put it to words..neither do i know what is causing it..but i do miss home..

the past 3 months back in msia has been great...eventhough many things have changed..people that i've driven away or distanced myself from..and people that i've gotten closer with...i guess in the end..its your true friends who stay with you in the end...though its been so many years since we first met...i'm proud to say that i have 4 friends i know i can count on no matter what happens..no matter how many years we'll be apart...i know these 4 people are the ones i'll be close with my whole life...
and then there are the rest...some pretentious...some manipulative...some uncaring...some that are just plain rotten on their insides...its a good thing that all these traits surface after getting to know people..and i'm glad that i got to see that side of them...it makes me cherish my true friends even more...though there are lots of times where we go through rough patches..but somehow...we just learn to get through it...i mean...noone's perfect..if we're not perfect ourselves..we cant expect anyone to be perfect right?

but yeah...its gonna be awhile before i go back to msia again...this time its a one way ticket to nz and i dont know when i'll be heading back again....i'm glad that atif's gonna be coming to study here in the middle of the year (well..hopefully everything goes according to plan)...cos well..i guess he'll bring home abit closer...all the silly things we used to do when we grew up together...still doesnt fail to brighten my thoughts... plus..my parents will be coming over as well...the leash around my neck will shorten..but i'm still glad that they're coming over..hopefully that can help me keep focus on my studies as well.

hmm..one more thing to look forward to in the middle of the year would be australia...it hasnt been decided yet..but i might go over to celebrate my bday this time around...probably spend a week there...free lodging! thats always good..heh

talk bout a long as post...i better stop and get back to my work...might just blog again the next time when i'm emo =P

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 23:27:24 GMT

'just friends' huh...

well thanks for clearing that up

Nyeheh

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 05:01:10 GMT

Guess what!

nope! guessed wrong!

Give up?

ok here's the answer

I shaved my head! muahaha! lol

my friends and i were just sitting around one day and thought...hey...why dont we all just shave our heads? So we all agreed...and did it! lol...feels kinda weird..its been years since i last shaved my head...feels like i'm back in primary school again O-O lol

anyways i'll post up some pics when i find my phone cable..and you guys can all see the results! =)

soli..dunno why i'm so high XD

Bliss

Sat, 05 Jul 2008 12:52:52 GMT

These few weeks have been one of the best times I've had here..exams were over a couple of weeks back..took a roadtrip down to Dunedin for the Taekwando South Island Championships..it was actually quite fun..tiring due to the lack of sleep - due to Mervyn's monstrous snoring...lol our fighters won a few medals..and we all had a great time drinking and chatting the night away after that...and...some of us got a bit too drunk yadda yadda..couple of spilled alcohol here and there...couple of shirtless guys...couple of smacks....all in all..a good time =)

Moving along, my parents are here...and though I've gotten told off quite a few times by them already (and its only their first week here)...I enjoy having them here..its nice to be in a home that actually feels like a complete home..so its great =) on top of that...we had a special guest all the way from Australia..Miss Cheryl Kee...glad that you could make it and was willing to spend the money to come over here...if it wasn't for you I would've probably spent most of my time last week in bed sleeping my holiday away..hehe.. Thanks to you I got to go down to Lake Tekapo after such a long time of not being there..got to enjoy the wonders of nature...beautiful scenery topped with freezing weather = perfect..hahaha...but it was great to be able to go there with you and the guys =)

Not to mention..ice skating...first time ice skating here..and its all thanks to you...managed to embarass myself by sticking onto the wall but in the end there were Some improvements..and it was fun..hehe

Apart from that...this has been one of the better birthdays that I've had my whole life...Great company...Fantastic food (courtesy of mom and Cheryl)...good beer (courtesy of dad)...and wonderful presents! (thanks to: Mom, Dad, Grandma, Sisters, Mervyn, Matthew, Jwin, Jane, Cheryl, Keith, cousin ZY, and Bb) and finally..I received heaps of birthday wishes from everyone that mattered...Thanks guys...sorry if I didnt reply some of you..cos international txt is a f***ing b***job =P

And note to some of you guys who creamed me...my porch still has the whip cream stains (AND RICE!! WTF!!..but birds ate them so its cool..heh)...and its a good thing that my bday is before most of you guys'...revenge shall be sweet ; )

Hmm...wat else...I ran outta things to say...or rather...I just wanna post this and watch some movies..heh! Tata..love you guys ; )

So close

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 08:20:59 GMT

Current addiction - So close (Enchanted soundtrack) - Jon McLaughlin

rewatched enchanted a few days back...well..the nice parts la...and heard this song again..now i'm hook to it O_o but its so nice! lol

Anyways...Finally exams are over! Woo! all done! muahahaha..now i'm gonna relax abit...can finally sleep more than 4 hours a day..woo!

Ah..life so far is good...now that exams are all over..i'm relaxed..and enjoying my time here for once...spending time with my buddies...doing simple stuff like drinking tea and playing cards....driving up the hill with a bottle of wine and just basically talk bout whatever for hours...life's good =)

but of course...i still miss home like crazy..but guess you just gotta do with what you have...and i think what i have now's pretty good =) plus! my parents are coming over! nyeh nyeh nyeh...looking forward to that...although i'm pretty sure i'll get in a bit of trouble with my parents for my habits...but heck its gonna be nice having them here =)

ahh...have a trip planned for this friday...will be good to get away for awhile...and on sunday we'll be having a special guest all the way from Australia =) fun fun~ this holiday's gonna be good...pocket emptying..but good! Woo! i'm damn high from finishing exams...muahahaha

tata!

blink of an eye

Thu, 29 May 2008 09:25:23 GMT

at the blink of an eye
it was time to say goodbye
at the blink of an eye
tears formed..and i began to cry

all i could do was sigh
and to wonder why
why'd our love die
why was my head up so high

so high up in the sky
i never saw that everything was a lie
now all i can do is try
try to keep my eyes dry

for your heart has died
the ends are all tied
our faith denied
i called out..but there's no reply

time has passed us by
you're no longer mine
you seem to be doing fine
but...how am i...

yep...i'm procrastinating..supposed to be doing assignment but here i am writing lame as poems =/ tata

Monday, May 05, 2008

Mon, 05 May 2008 14:17:40 GMT

Hmm..our minds are funny things..

i've seen this study done ages ago on a documentary that i was watching...probably something for my psychology course but not that sure anymore..

*gibberish*
its about our perception towards people...its shown that when you're in love with someone or like someone...you tend to think they're more beautiful or more handsome...so these researchers manipulated and photoshopped the photographs of the participant's loved ones...to make them better looking and worse looking...and to see whether they'll pick the better looking pic of the person as the pic that more closely represents what the participant sees his/her loved one as..
*gibberish*

and the results show that the more they like the person...the more they would pick the better looking pic of their loved ones

its funny...it never occurred to me before...cos lately...you just dont look as good as you used to anymore

Rainy days

Sat, 03 May 2008 04:22:24 GMT

Its been raining on and off for the past few days...and it made me think of home... Over here i pretty much resent the rain as along with it comes the bitter cold..the numb feet and hands..well i wouldnt complain too much if i didnt havta wake up early in the mornings to go to uni...rainy days are nice to sleep in on afterall...but at this point in life..there are things that one has to do right?

Anyways..for the past 20 years in my life...i've loved the rain when i was in msia...the way it cools everything down...settles all the dusts...and brings about this scent of freshness added with a hint of grass... and it brings back memories...i remember that when people will leave the court at the sight of a drizzle while a few friends and i will just stay out in the rain playing basketball... thinking back..those were the fun times in our lives...but kinda silly of us to ignore the risk of getting struck by lightning..but hey..we were kids afterall

as kids we were easily satisfied...we were happy enough to just go out for a movie in the mall...play a game of cs...and just basically chill out...
now we seek more material things..we want better food...more expensive food...better clothes..more expensive clothes yadda yadda...and the list goes on...but i guess we outgrow things

we outgrow the things we used to love...
we outgrow our taste in everything
we outgrow our perspectives in life
we outgrow the heartaches that we once experienced because of someone we once thought was special to us...
ultimately we outgrow our old selves

is that a good thing or a bad thing i wonder?

but in this moment i guess i am ok with myself
i have a few close friends here that i'm getting closer to
i have my family who are always supportive and caring no matter how they may seem...
and i have people who love me for who i am..though they wish i would change some of my ways..but i dont doubt their intentions

i guess being away from the things you want most changes one's perspectives

and...perhaps one has to blog bout these things in order to get in grasp of his own perspectives...i dunno..heh

P.s I love you

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 09:37:42 GMT

call me gay...call me a pansy...and call me emasculated...

but i think ps i love you is a very touching movie...i mean..i didnt even have that many close-to-tears moments when i watched the notebook...which everyone said was a definately-will-cry movie...

sigh...i wonder how its like being so in love with someone...and having that someone be so in love with you....

all in all...this has been one of the sweetest movies i've seen...though i must say the cinematography isnt great...but the storyline and the script is just....sweet

next thing to do now is to scout for that book =)

Back in sheep land

Sun, 02 Mar 2008 10:26:44 GMT

After being back here for two weeks i guess i've finally accepted the fact that i'm gonna be here for the next 9 months or so...these two weeks back have been rather emotional...especially spending the first few days here in an empty house on my own before my sister's arrival. It was depressing coming back to an empty house...lights all out...fridge was empty...everything was quiet apart from the sound of my own breath

i miss home

in malaysia no matter what or when...there's always life in the house...my dad will be sitting at the computer clicking away on spider solitaire...or my sister will be there watching her chinese drama...or the sound of mom coming back home and me going "good thing i decided to come home abit earlier"...heh

i took things for granted..someone'll always do the laundry...there's always food on the table...when i feel like going out all i havta do is pick up the phone and call up a friend

but i guess i wasnt this bad this time...i'm glad that i spent time painting the house with my dad and my sis...eventhough it was such a frustrating experience...in the end it was worth it...all the hours of hard work and sweat and paint in the eyes...it was all worth it...at least we did it as a family...

and i'm glad that i got to sit down with my dad with a glass of beer and just talk to him bout everything...and even meet his friends... and my mom...i'm grateful that she took the time to come to my room on some nights to talk to me...share a joke...and poke fun at me....what i do regret is that there were times when my mood was affected by something else...i gave her the cold shoulder...i know she doesnt read my blog...but...sorry mom

these past 3 months have been filled with events...there has been many laughters...tears...appreciation...regrets... just some things that i wished never happened...but i guess its part of life that our loved ones will eventually leave us...thats why we should always hold on to our loved ones as much and as often as possible

one thing that i'm really glad that i've done was going on the singapore trip with faisal, wey ping, and kevin. honestly, wey ping..you're a jackass sometimes..especially on trips...but heck...i wouldnt trade the world for another travel buddy...i think...
and fai...i'm just so glad that you've been there on the trip with me to tell wp to shut up when he needs to...and to just have some cheap thrills with...your randomness is beyond any of our comprehension but fuck...you're fun to hang out with...and we sure had quite a few good laughs together...heh....and i really wanna thank you for accompanying me on an earlier train ride back...thanks buddy
kev...well i didnt get to spend that much time with you on the trip...but you're a pleasant guy to hang out with

honestly..these 3 months with you guys have been nothing less than spectacular...of course we've had our occasional disagreements...but we were always in good company...

wey ping...
i'm glad to have you has a friend...and you've always been there to listen to me when i'm not in a good mood...or when i'm drunk and emo...haha...though we always poke fun at you...we sincerely love you as a friend...and things wouldnt have been as good without your company....though you could've went easier on our asses in bowling you asshole...but yeah...you're a good friend...
and i must apologise for not waking up in time for our last breakfast together...and i'm really gonna miss you when you're in canada...my holidays back in msia would never be the same with you away

faisal...
we've bonded a surprising lot this time around...and i think its cos of the common ground that we had when we were in singapore...that wey ping is shit at taking chances to find our way around a new place...haha
but yeah...we hung out heaps this year...and i'm glad to have you drop by whenever you're in the area for us to try eating at some weird expensive place that served cheap ass waffles...and that you took the trouble to go outta your way to pick me up and hang out with me when you live ages away....and never once have you complained
and you were the one who picked me up just to go to Help college for me to drop something off...and again you didnt complain
you were my gym buddy and you had to pick me up from my house everytime we went to the gym...and again you never complained
there's just so many things that i havta thank you for....but most of all i havta thank you for being such a great friend...like wp...you never flinched when i talk to you bout my sad sob stories..and you were always there to crack a smile on my face...so thank you faisal

stiffy...
well..wat can i say...we've been friends for god knows how long...7 years? you've been preoccupied with your job this year when i was back...so we didnt get to spend that much time together...but i guess we'll always be good friends no matter where life takes us...i just hope you know where you're going with your decisions in life...with friends...relationships...sometimes we really just havta drop our ego you know =/ but i'm glad that we still had the time to go out for ramli burgers...sit down by bench near the coffee shop eating kuaci like hamsters while talking bout random stuffs..bout life...and...going to pick n brew for coffee....they were good times buddy..

last but not least...danial
you...are....one heck of a mysterious guy...i've known you for ages and still i dont feel that i've known you at all...well...i'd like to think i know you a lil...but yeah...you've found yourself your better half...and i'm happy for you...i think i speak for the whole group that we're all happy for you...and we can see that you're happy with her
and you're picking up on your studies...now you actually brag bout what you've learnt from class in front of us...its a bit condescending...but its good to see that you're working hard...and its also good to see that you're taking the effort to better yourself...and to cut down your...addiction....
we dont hang out much...but i know you always make an effort to hang out with us when you can...and...i'm honoured to have the pleasure of your company..its always more fun with you around

ok seriously...i have no idea how to work this xanga picture thing...i just uploaded another 5 pics and...they aint turning up...roar...i blame my illiteracy on my lack of camwhoring in the past years! lol

til i figure out how to post the remaining pics...do take care...if you've read so far...gosh you must love me quite a bit...i love you too..hahaha